Sunday, March 6, 2011

Waiting Expectantly..

We are going to have a baby.  And now that we're going to have a baby, we need a car with a backseat.  Preferably a station wagon with a boot for the dog can sit in, so that she doesn't lick the baby's face as it is held captive in its specially designed and designated seat.  Our parents assure us that we need to buy a house, especially as the one we rent has been deemed not appropriate.  I need new clothes as I pretty much wear the same outfit, outside of work, day in and day out.  I did recently buy 3 new dresses for work as my suits were cutting my swelling body in half (my mother put money into my account for my birthday for that specific purpose) & now I just wear these in rotation; each one for 5 days straight. I almost always feel I need a haircut.  I almost always feel I need some beauty treatment or another. I need to exercise the dog more though I would really like to be able to afford to send her back to daycare so that someone else can do it.  I need to learn how to drive.  I need to learn how to cook or to be motivated to cook.  I need to get out of debt so that we can get a mortgage.  (With our parents' help, of course.)

I am not unhappy.  Far from it.  This baby was planned & we are really looking forward to meeting it in another 6 months or so.  I was not unhappy before that.  But I live in a constant state of not being enough.  Of not having enough.  Of feeling so frumpy.  Of being on hold.  Of waiting for my life to get on track.  Of waiting to not be a financial burden to my husband. I am not standing still or moving backwards but progress is sometimes so slow as to not be discernible to the human eye. At least in this one way, I am indispensable. And quite a number of people are currently quite pleased with me.  For a change.